Episode 51 - Interlude (Connections)

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  Welcome to the podcast! And to whatever sort of odd companionship we might have found on the infinite, vast wasteland that is the modern internet. It’s not the traditional sort of friendship we all know and love, I’ll admit. But at the same time, you must admit that there is something here between us. It’s probably in the family of parasocial relationships. I won’t pretend otherwise. But then again, that isn’t the end all and be all of things. Maybe the outline, the boundaries, the divides between the genuine and the performative are not so impermeable or clear cut that we couldn’t find ourselves in some sort of in between.

But I will reiterate we don’t know each other. I know of you, and you know of me. We know general traits, functions, and roles that each other play. We understand the visible parts of our daily lives, the performative parts of each other, and yes, that is distinct from the people we truly are. The people we pretend to be are not the people we actually are. We know this. And yet, is there not something to be said for the coming together of our personas? Not a friendship in the traditional sense, I’ve already admitted. But something else. 

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The young princess was never the sort to complain. She knew not to. It seemed to her as if the walls remembered the sins committed against her aunt, hurts and harms that seemed to be tied to the title of princess, and sought to protect this child against them. But being walls all they could do was warn her, advise her to be better. The young princess could never remember a time when she did not know that she was being watched or that she had to be cautious. It seemed as if she had always known these things. And–as young as she was–she always knew what to do. And that was convenient for her parents who now had one less thing to worry about. That was convenient for the lords and ladies of the king’s court who could just enjoy their interactions with the child, the spectacle that was such an angelic child. That was convenient for the priests who could hold the young princess up as the ultimate example and embodiment of all their teachings. 

That was convenient for everyone except the young princess herself. Not that anyone thought to ask her

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I think we forgot how many different types of relationships there are. Or rather, we’re led to focus on some more than others. I’ve heard it said that the way we talk about romantic relationships reeks of codependency, and I’m not in any sort of position to say that’s wrong. But I can say that I’ve noticed that friendships get downplayed a lot in the popular consciousness. That’s been kind of, sort of obvious. And look, I get that a meet cute story about two friends becoming best friends is not going to sell a lot of books or movie tickets. It doesn’t feel as high stakes or as feel good as a more traditional rom com. And then you have to think about representation and are these meet cute friendship flicks actually going to set queer representation back because maybe the meet cute friendship flicks are going to get pitched as valid alternatives to gay romance. Who knows. I think we all know. 

But in any event, what about the relationships that don’t even fit into that category. What about everything else that doesn’t even get a name or a title. What of those things, I ask you. Because you and I stand in one of those things. We are connected but in a way that hasn’t yet been named.

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Did the Duke Vernin see that the young princess was unhappy? The young girl could not be sure. She wondered if that was why he had given her the necklace. Her father, the king, tended to give her things when he noticed she was upset. Large bundles of silks and embroidered fabrics would be brought into the young girl’s chambers. Puppies and new riding gear would be next when the fabrics and new dresses did not work. But he had never tried jewels. 

Perhaps she had never been sad enough for jewels, she wondered. She had never felt all that sad, but she had never felt all that happy, either. She was simply as she was. The day the new duke became the new duke she had felt no different than she normally did. 

That was, until she saw the necklace. Until it was offered to her. The duke presented it to her on an outstretched hand. Her small fingers gently picked at the charm until she took it in her own. As she lifted the blue jewel up to the light, she felt a spark catch that she had never known before. 

She was happy, she realized. For the moment.

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And should we be concerned that this connection between you and I–podcaster of a show like this and listener searching its files for the hidden pieces–hasn’t been clearly hashed out. I mean, it sounds like it has. Did I not just do it? But we know there are dimensions missing. I alluded to them in my asides, but the details–you might be saying–the details are where the story truly is. It’s what we need to draw attention to. That’s what I’ve been saying the whole time. And you’re not wrong. You are right, in fact. The difference is slight, but you fall on the right side of the line. The details matter. We need a better way to capture them. 

And to what end? Why, to understand the whole picture. To understand what keys there are that might work on locks that should be fundamentally different. After all, we as human beings need connections, do we not? We need those tethers. They nurture something within us. They are keys to the more vulnerable parts within us. But we are beings composed of flimsy locks. They are easily picked, especially when neglected. Once that happens, a similar key can open locks it should not be able to. It can open doors to someone who should have been barred entry. 

And that isn’t to say you have nefarious intentions. Or that anyone with one of these vaguely familiar but slightly different keys has those intentions. That isn’t the case. But the process is still worth noting.

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The young princess knew her role at court, but she did not understand its machinations. She had hardly left her mother’s side through her early years, and yet, she had now been turned out, entirely on her own, with no parental force to guide her. 

And, of course, the young princess worried that this was–perhaps–not an inevitable fate but a reflection of something she had done or said. Had her parents turned from her not out of duty but out of boredom or annoyance with her? She was the heir, after all, or that was what she heard her tutors say. So would duty not suggest that her father and mother teach her how to rule justly and nobly? She could not imagine any better teacher than the ones who already lived by those virtues and did so much of the work already. And yet, they kept their distance. 

As did everyone else, the young princess had noticed, except for the governesses and the other ladies in waiting who did not have much of a say in the matter. They stood in the young girl’s physical presence but kept a distance otherwise. They were emotionally distant with her, by some other name. And it had to be that way. The young princess was royalty; her blood was divine. And that set her apart from those around her, whether or not she wanted to be. Whether or not she was lonely.

And she was, in fact, lonely.

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Online relationships don’t have to be in their own category. They can be traditional friendships or can evolve into something more. But there’s no telling what they will evolve into. And you could say the same thing about IRL friendships, right? But the online side feels so much larger. The potential yield seems so much greater. And I have to wonder why that is. 

Is it the novelty? That this thing is so new that we don’t fully understand it and so with our imaginations so boundless, it can be almost anything. And what to do about those things we can’t even imagine? I don’t have an answer to that. Do you? 

Or maybe the potential yield is so great because of the interconnectedness of the online world. Now that almost everything is within reach there’s much more to draw from. There’s more fodder to fuel it, to feed into it as it grows into something larger than us or what came before. Once again, it could become a beast we don’t know how to control. And we can barely handle the ones we have now, right? So many things go wrong. So many avenues of our lives get neglected. And then there are the consequences, which we don’t think about, until we can’t help but think about it, of course. But that’s usually when something bad happens.

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The young princess heard the rumors as everyone else did. While she did like the Duke Jemes and thought he would make a good uncle, he was gone, no longer an option and so there was no need to think about him. But this new duke had shown her greater fondness than the old had. This new duke told her jokes and asked about her riding lessons. No one else did. She would know. She had been waiting for it. 

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I know a lot about online friendships or connections, I should say. That was all I had for so long, though, that trying to explain or describe it just feels as pointless as describing air. Sure, you can do it but especially if not almost only when there is something different about the air around you. But this is my normal. This is all I’ve known, all I have. And I don’t even know what to make of it. 

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Aishi Online is a production of Miscellany Media Studios. It is written, produced, performed, and edited by MJ Bailey with music from the Sounds like an Earful music supply. If you like the show, please leave a review, tell a friend, or donate to the show’s Ko-Fi account.