Client AH.67.109 - Session 2

(Beep. Music fades in)

Good idea closing the door this time. Privacy is probably a necessity right now. Locking the door initially looked excessive, but maybe it isn't. I don't know your office that well. Maybe a certain someone doesn't understand what a closed door signifies and feels empowered to invade moments and spaces that are off-limits even and especially without knocking, but like I said, I wouldn't know.

But the chair on door thing is a little much, but admittedly, I might be saying that in part because I don't really understand the mechanics of it. I've been told that this works, but no one ever bothered to explain how, so to me, it seems excessive largely because it might not work assuming there is a need. And also I'm a little skeptical that in your case there could be a need your door lock couldn't satisfy, but I'm not going to tell you how to live your life.

(Pause)

Okay, yes I will, kind of. Seriously, though, a listening device in your overhead light fixture? That's paranoia, dear. You saw it on TV once. Chill. You can't believe everything you see on a television drama, a fictional drama, is possible never mind likely. (Music cuts)

And oh my word. I am so sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm not trying to scare you. (Music fades in) Yeah as those words left my mouth I realized that this might be what I did. Again. In my defense, I was a little over-emboldened by your newfound enthusiasm for your pill regiment. (Pause.) I didn't say it was a good defense.

Here's the thing. If I can make this more of a dialogue between the two of us, I have better odds of keeping your attention. Regardless this is going to be an uphill battle. You're not inclined to believe in anything vaguely supernatural or extraordinary, and I'm going to need an open mind from you. It's kind of required. Or not exactly required. Like, I could make do, but the stakes are so high that I don't really want to risk it.

And that's not even taking into consideration that you are the type of person to get (quote) “set in her ways” as they say. And I don't mean that as an insult even if others have. It just means that your going to give more weight to your own well-established thoughts over new ones unless given very good reason to cross over. And I am scrambling to come up with a good reason.

But pro tip: don't prioritize the destructive diatribe of your downward spiral over the disembodied voice of a well meaning oracle coming out of your phone.

(Pause)

Okay, yeah, easier said than done. I walked into that. Hard. Fair enough.

But here's the point I lost and am trying to get back. I'm trying to make this a dialogue because it will be easier to hold onto you this way. And I can't let you go. I'm sorry, but I can't. We need to fix this, okay? It's going to take us both out if we don't.

If you can understand that, if you can believe that, that we are both knee deep in quicksand and for some reason, I have to be the one to pull us up. then you can understand the conundrum I find myself in. As a result of my unrequested responsibilities, I need to find us some sort of balance or even ground or equilibrium…. Look, I know how much you like word choice, but this is not a situation mankind had in mind when they devised the English language, so bear with me.

I overstepped before with the light thing. I'm sorry. I've been doing that a lot lately. It's careless, But if the cosmos or whatever is causing this were to fire me, I wouldn't mind that at all.

But still, it affected you, and for that I'm sorry.

(Music fades out and new music fades in)

Can I just say, though, or ask or beg for an ounce of your understanding? I've been bathed in your plight. I won't ask you for the same degree of devotion, but--you know--it wouldn't be unappreciated if you offered it. Think about it. I can't sleep. Don't sleep. Because do you know what happens when I do? Suffering. My suffering because I'm drowning in the suffering of other people. I'm well into the sleep deprivation causing mental impairment territory, and for both of our sakes, I'm trying to fix this. Let me fix this. Okay, I know I mess up a lot. My mother loves to remind me of that, don't worry. But I'm trying. I'm genuinely trying.

Especially for you. When so much of your misery is self inflicted and unnecessary.

But you think it's necessary. You think you did something heinous and should be punished for it, but that justice hasn't come yet. And that doesn't make a great deal of sense to you. Or it's just woefully inconvenient because the anticipation is the worst part. You're just waiting. Waiting. Waiting. Tensing up whenever things go even slightly awry because maybe the slap is finally coming. Maybe. But no. You're still left waiting.  Still waiting. Still waiting. (Pause.) Did I get it right that time?

(Music fades out and new music fades in)

Is that why you found his ex-wife's claims so believable? Because can we take a factual look at it for a second? Their divorce was the definition of a bad one. Even the attorneys who were being paid to be there would agree it was a miserable experience. She was so horrible to work with.

And yet, you believed her. From where I stand she was obviously lying. But you had better seats and couldn't see it. Even if the marriage ended on the best terms, why would a man promise his prized and very expensive pocket watch to his ex-wife? And how convenient that it was a verbal offer with no witnesses around?

Have I mentioned that this is a very expensive pocket watch? One that both has a great deal of sentimental value to a son and a great monetary worth to someone else.

That's her biological son. In this context those words mean very little. They wouldn't even matter if someone needed a kidney, or so I'd say. But if she really had a valid concern, why not bring this battle to him? It makes sense in so many ways, except for one: except for you. you would have risen out of your stupor for him. For your son. For his sake. But never for yours.

(Music fades out and new music fades in)

Instead of scaring you before, I could have been reminding you that I'm not here to be overly critical. I said all of that just now as a way of setting up my real point. You did the right thing by ignoring her, even if it was accidental. He meant that watch as a gift for his son. Your son. And you've always known that.

But we probably need to talk about why you found it in you to give her an ounce of credibility. It's a poison we need to suck out. Its the beginning of a trail of bread crumb meant to lead you where you need to go.

And what punishment is owed to you will be found there, I promise you that. And I promise that if you walk through this valley you will come out with the truth. And that I will be there with you for every step.

But I can't make you walk. You have to take that first step. You have to make this choice.

By the way, that girl down the hall… it was nice of you to give her that book. Sure you had a lot of copies laying about, but you were right she's been having a rough time lately. And it might get worse before it gets better. If it gets better. I'm not so good with the future, you know? Only the present.

And while that means I can't say a lot, I can say this. But that means being able to say this. She could thank you a thousand times, and it still wouldn't feel like enough to her. And there isn't enough time or windows of social acceptability for that, but hey, I can toss one out right now.

Thank you for giving her the book you wrote. It meant a lot to her

(Music fades out. Beep.)