Client M2J.5S0R3 - Session 1

(Beep. Music fades in)

I'm not sure if you saw me, but here's what I do know. You definitely knew someone was watching you, and when you left the cafe, you knew someone was following you. Hence why you kept looking over shoulder.

Completely understandable, by the way. For one you were right. I was following you. And even if you weren't or I wasn’t. In your case, your paranoia is pretty justifiable. You've been through a lot, yes. And I'm probably not going to help things by making this episode about you, but some things can't be helped. And some words be unsaid.

Look, I don't normally follow people around. Dreaming of someone is one thing, and it certainly isn't a free pass for stalking nor is it comparable at all. For many reasons but most simply, I didn't choose to have these dreams, but I did choose to follow you. Apologies, but I couldn't help it. I had to see you in person.

You see, someone else has been dreaming of you. It's through her dreams that I connected to you, and in her dreams, she calls you the most beautiful woman in the world. (Pause.) Yeah, that might feel meaningless given the cliched nature of the phrase and its connotations or general usage, but could you find it in you to believe that she means it? Consider how many times that has been said in human history. Odds are. Someone has to mean it. And I genuinely think she does. It's in the way she says it with a bit of despair in her heart.

I can hear that despair. And it raises a few questions. Like how could you feel sadness when saying something meaningless or when you are just going through the socially prescribed motions. And in her case why would she inflict sadness on herself by pursuing something unless she felt that something was really? Or if it's not “inflicting” per say then at the very least she's diving more into it. Haven’t you noticed? She seeks you out just to catch a glimpse of your smile only to have the melancholy wash over her when the two of you part ways.

She cries over you. For many reasons. Some I can’t say, but I feel her tears. I know they're real. And I know yours are too.

(Pause)

Take a deep breath. She's scared too. You're her first real love of any kind.

(Music fades out and new music fades in)

I think a lot of people would be scared if they'd have the life you had. To that end, keeping this card close to your chest makes sense, and anyone who tells you otherwise really just doesn't understand that there are chains that still bind you. There's nothing they can say and yet they keep talking. It doesn't matter that it's 2019. The world wasn't suddenly made perfect and perfectly fair in an instant. And they can tell you it's something worth fighting for. But you already knew that.

What you don’t know is know if you're a fighter. You act like it all the time at work. To the chagrin of certain people. But there's a part of it that they don't see. But I've seen it. I've seen you psych yourself up in the mirror before each confrontation, scripting out endless outcomes and rebuttals.

And you fought for your freedom and independence when it mattered most, but now you aren't so sure if you have any fight left in you.

Or is it the price that is frightening you? Win or lose you may have to pay a heavy fine just for being who you are. And you aren't sure if the expense, if you, are worth it.

Take a deep breath. I’m here.

(Music fades out and new music fades in)

Crazy winter we had, right? With the whole polar vortex thing. Does it is still scare you? The idea of winter, I mean. Obviously that's what I meant. And clearly there's plenty of reasons to talk about it. Especially as of late with the super cold front that came in. We obviously need to be fearful of polar vortexes. Vortexi? Regardless, they can be deadly. And they were for a few unfortunate souls. And those souls were far more experienced than you were.

The dreams I did have of you left me worried about how you would handle it, though I wasn't ready to reach out to you just yet. Do you remember your first winter here? When you pulled out all your winter gear in October, and your co-workers raised concerned eyebrows when you remarked about how early winter had come.

I thought it was cute. After all, no one could expect you to know better considering you were raised in a very warm climate. And then moved to a very warm climate.  And then you were here, confronting a phenomenon you had only heard about. And there are some things books can't prepare you for.

In the dreams, it was hard to tell how much you were struggling with it. Because once again you painted your face with bravery and colored your cheeks with grace. You were the image of unconquerable.

Or you were the most beautiful woman in the world, as she would say.

Take another deep breath. In. Out. Have another. In. Out.

(Music fades out and new music fades in)

I'm here for you. One of the few people you have, yes, but that number isn't zero. There's me, at least. And then there's her. So it's at least two. Probably more. But that number isn't zero, so you will be okay.

I'm sorry. I know I'm spectacularly failing at being comforting, but you haven't shut me off yet, so I'm optimistic.

Can I tell you something else? I mean… I just don't want to leave you alone just yet if ever. But ever isn't something I can do anything about.  

Even when I was a few feet away I could feel your weariness. But that's not the only thing about you that stuck with me.

Even if you don't want to believe that you are the most beautiful woman on the world, can't you at least see your warmth? Or that you are goodness incarnate. Partially because of not despite of your refusal to be conquered. You see, your value was never based on utility. And even if it were, your smile did something impossible.

It made her believe the world was a good place. Not fallen, not decent, and not just with potential. No, it went beyond that. You genuinely convinced her that there was still goodness in a world she has assumed was forsaken by not just one but many gods.

And that's beautiful, isn't it? Isn't that the only form of beauty that should matter.

You're the most beautiful woman in the world, she says to herself and to me her unwilling confidant.

Are you listening?

(Music fades out. Beep.)